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Poetry, People watching, and Polemics -- the real PPP...Random insanity generated in hopes of priming the creative pump (hmm... 'things that sound dirty, but aren't' for $500, Alex...) and really just posted to put off things that i should be doing instead. m
5.11.2004
aging instantly
why is it that age can be such a concrete value (as in, i just turned 27), and yet such a relative? As i get older, i find that people my respective age continue to look, well, "not old," but i have a harder and harder time accurately figuring out the age of anyone younger than me by more than a few years (they just look really young...), and people up to 10-15 years older than me no longer look as "old" as they used to.
today i visited the community college i previously attended about 8 years ago. in addition to finding out that it's going to be a lot easier than i thought to go back to school, i discovered the phenomenon of "instant aging." It's scary, and works like this:
when i first walked into the college, i was struck by how familiar it was. The offices looked the same, the hustle and bustle of students changing classes, and the kids trying to grab a quick nap on the sofas and chairs in the main lobby were all familiar enough to make me feel as though i was just coming back to class after a few days off. then it happened. i don't know what sparked it at first -- it could have been a bit of overheard conversation, or the way someone was walking, but all of a sudden, i really looked at a couple of the students, and i felt the 8-10 years of reality slam down between who i am now and what i had felt when i first walked through the door this morning.
i don't know that all of them are as immature as they appeared on the surface, or even that where i'm standing is a much better place, but what i did feel was the difference in perspective that the intervening decade gave me. it was definitely an unusual feeling, but it also gave me a sense of pride, since despite some of the setbacks i've felt in the past few months, i have accomplished a lot and experienced a lot that i never even imagined when i was 18 and trying to figure out who i really was. yes, a lot of it flat-out sucked, and there are still moments when i feel like a fumbling, embarrassed teenager, but i still wouldn't trade my experiences for the path i thought i was going to follow at that point.
ok, i did notice one other thing -- the energy that most of these kids exuded (the ones not comatose -- it was, after all, only 10:30AM) was almost scary. i felt like an aged, winded antelope that had accidentally staggered into a pack of young cheetah cubs. *that* made me feel OLD. but that's ok. i may not have as much energy as i used to, but i have dedication, a goal, and a sense of commitment that i didn't have 10 years ago... and there's always caffeine. lots and lots and lots of caffeine.
m
today i visited the community college i previously attended about 8 years ago. in addition to finding out that it's going to be a lot easier than i thought to go back to school, i discovered the phenomenon of "instant aging." It's scary, and works like this:
when i first walked into the college, i was struck by how familiar it was. The offices looked the same, the hustle and bustle of students changing classes, and the kids trying to grab a quick nap on the sofas and chairs in the main lobby were all familiar enough to make me feel as though i was just coming back to class after a few days off. then it happened. i don't know what sparked it at first -- it could have been a bit of overheard conversation, or the way someone was walking, but all of a sudden, i really looked at a couple of the students, and i felt the 8-10 years of reality slam down between who i am now and what i had felt when i first walked through the door this morning.
i don't know that all of them are as immature as they appeared on the surface, or even that where i'm standing is a much better place, but what i did feel was the difference in perspective that the intervening decade gave me. it was definitely an unusual feeling, but it also gave me a sense of pride, since despite some of the setbacks i've felt in the past few months, i have accomplished a lot and experienced a lot that i never even imagined when i was 18 and trying to figure out who i really was. yes, a lot of it flat-out sucked, and there are still moments when i feel like a fumbling, embarrassed teenager, but i still wouldn't trade my experiences for the path i thought i was going to follow at that point.
ok, i did notice one other thing -- the energy that most of these kids exuded (the ones not comatose -- it was, after all, only 10:30AM) was almost scary. i felt like an aged, winded antelope that had accidentally staggered into a pack of young cheetah cubs. *that* made me feel OLD. but that's ok. i may not have as much energy as i used to, but i have dedication, a goal, and a sense of commitment that i didn't have 10 years ago... and there's always caffeine. lots and lots and lots of caffeine.
m
