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Poetry, People watching, and Polemics -- the real PPP...Random insanity generated in hopes of priming the creative pump (hmm... 'things that sound dirty, but aren't' for $500, Alex...) and really just posted to put off things that i should be doing instead. m
7.12.2004
rough draft
Dreams.
Why is it that the dreams I most
want to remember are the ones that left me
shaken, uneasy, glad to find out that
"it was just a dream," after all?
Not the screaming, flesh-creeping
nightmares, ...
.. but the dreams where
everything is subtly wrong, where bad
things happen to everybody for no reason,
where sometimes, I have a feeling that
I could change things if I wanted to,
but I strain to make things right, and
still fail, or worse, I don't even try...
.. but the times where I'm working against a
deadline, trying to save the world, or a friend,
or just my sanity, where everyone knows
this and has "just one more thing" for
me to do before I can go, one more thing
I didn't get quite right and am
obligated to fix for them...
.. but the dreams where everybody I know
acts exactly as I want them to...
..And I wake up exhausted, unsettled,
relieved ... and vaguely disappointed.
Some people might ask why their subconscious
hates them so much, why they are
tortured regularly with such terrible accuracy, by
the only thing that knows them better than they know
themselves.
Personally, I never ask. Why ask
questions when I know that the
answer will just upset me? Besides,
I don't have time for silliness.
For as the wisps of dream quickly
evaporate in the morning sun, they
are slipping through grasping fingers,
ignoring all pleas to hold still just long enough
to be captured, framed, and hung on the wall of
expression, or at least snapped up by the
Polaroid of memory, to await future inspiration.
No. I don't need to ask why my subconscious
hates me. I'm too busy trying to recall as many
disturbing elements as I can, but also trying to
hold on to the hazy limbo of half-awake.
Even here, I work against myself, for
memory only works when awake,
and the visions flee at the cold
touch of reality.
I weep.
mm
06/12/04
Why is it that the dreams I most
want to remember are the ones that left me
shaken, uneasy, glad to find out that
"it was just a dream," after all?
Not the screaming, flesh-creeping
nightmares, ...
.. but the dreams where
everything is subtly wrong, where bad
things happen to everybody for no reason,
where sometimes, I have a feeling that
I could change things if I wanted to,
but I strain to make things right, and
still fail, or worse, I don't even try...
.. but the times where I'm working against a
deadline, trying to save the world, or a friend,
or just my sanity, where everyone knows
this and has "just one more thing" for
me to do before I can go, one more thing
I didn't get quite right and am
obligated to fix for them...
.. but the dreams where everybody I know
acts exactly as I want them to...
..And I wake up exhausted, unsettled,
relieved ... and vaguely disappointed.
Some people might ask why their subconscious
hates them so much, why they are
tortured regularly with such terrible accuracy, by
the only thing that knows them better than they know
themselves.
Personally, I never ask. Why ask
questions when I know that the
answer will just upset me? Besides,
I don't have time for silliness.
For as the wisps of dream quickly
evaporate in the morning sun, they
are slipping through grasping fingers,
ignoring all pleas to hold still just long enough
to be captured, framed, and hung on the wall of
expression, or at least snapped up by the
Polaroid of memory, to await future inspiration.
No. I don't need to ask why my subconscious
hates me. I'm too busy trying to recall as many
disturbing elements as I can, but also trying to
hold on to the hazy limbo of half-awake.
Even here, I work against myself, for
memory only works when awake,
and the visions flee at the cold
touch of reality.
I weep.
mm
06/12/04
7.10.2004
new poetry
hey all!
i was going to give everyone an update on the job search, but instead i got sidetracked reading posts by friends of friends.
going through poetry recently, trying to get stuff ready to submit (or resubmit) for publication. after a reading a couple of posts, remembered this one. had to dig it from deep within the dark recesses of my poetry archives, but it was interesting to go through a lot of stuff i wrote 8-10 years ago. this one was mid-1994. i've cleaned it up a bit since then, but haven't done any major revisions. i think i'll look at it with the clarity of distance and see what damage i can do and then submit for publication.
Jester
Twirling, tumbling, his eyes and feet a-twinkle,
He weaves a fabric of words.
How I envy your skill
at making us laugh,
your easy way with people,
rarely getting mad.
You give us something to look at
other than our own problems.
You do it out of love,
out of caring and compassion;
but people don’t often see
your kindness shining through
the silliness and the insanity.
How I love you,
kindly, happy soul.
You show us wonders
we’d never discover on our own.
You change yourself as you spin
your string of folly.
Flashing with light, like a
cavorting stream, you show us
what you know we want to see.
Reflecting like a magic mirror,
you bring joy to our lives.
How I pity you,
Man Without A Self.
mm
i was going to give everyone an update on the job search, but instead i got sidetracked reading posts by friends of friends.
going through poetry recently, trying to get stuff ready to submit (or resubmit) for publication. after a reading a couple of posts, remembered this one. had to dig it from deep within the dark recesses of my poetry archives, but it was interesting to go through a lot of stuff i wrote 8-10 years ago. this one was mid-1994. i've cleaned it up a bit since then, but haven't done any major revisions. i think i'll look at it with the clarity of distance and see what damage i can do and then submit for publication.
Jester
Twirling, tumbling, his eyes and feet a-twinkle,
He weaves a fabric of words.
How I envy your skill
at making us laugh,
your easy way with people,
rarely getting mad.
You give us something to look at
other than our own problems.
You do it out of love,
out of caring and compassion;
but people don’t often see
your kindness shining through
the silliness and the insanity.
How I love you,
kindly, happy soul.
You show us wonders
we’d never discover on our own.
You change yourself as you spin
your string of folly.
Flashing with light, like a
cavorting stream, you show us
what you know we want to see.
Reflecting like a magic mirror,
you bring joy to our lives.
How I pity you,
Man Without A Self.
mm
7.01.2004
Quick unemployment update (both)
WOOHOO! got a call back from the library HR department yesterday afternoon... they've FINALLY gotten the applications in and started making some calls for phone interviews (which means i made it past the first round of screening). it was pretty basic stuff...
1) describe your experience working with a diverse group of coworkers. they've now hit this "diversity" thing in the phone interview, twice in the the supplemental questionnaire, and twice in the job posting. hmm. think this may be important?
2) describe an experience with a "difficult" customer. before i could stop myself, i immediately quipped, "a 'difficult' customer? i've never had one of those..." oh well. anyone who's worked with the general public on a daily basis and isn't an angelus vero (or something like that...) kind of has that as a gut-level reflex. hmm. maybe they're using that one to see how much customer service experience you really have, and how honest you're being in the interview. anybody in full-on interview mode would answer, "that's a tough question, because i've found that as long as you're willing to be reasonable, there's no such thing as a difficult customer..." I have two things to say to that... 1) bull 2) -#$%^!!
3) as a library, we are committed to freedom of information. we have a policy that we do not restrict our patrons' access to material, even that which may be objectionable. with that in mind, how would you handle it if a child came up with something that you thought was inappropriate? this one is tougher than it appears on the surface, because a lot of it depends on what question they're really asking... i think i did ok, though.
oh well. we'll see. keep you fingers crossed for me, please. (you can uncross them when you type, though, 'cause otherwise your documents woiuilkd loloo,kj lokike rtnhkiszl.l.l.) ;-)
m
1) describe your experience working with a diverse group of coworkers. they've now hit this "diversity" thing in the phone interview, twice in the the supplemental questionnaire, and twice in the job posting. hmm. think this may be important?
2) describe an experience with a "difficult" customer. before i could stop myself, i immediately quipped, "a 'difficult' customer? i've never had one of those..." oh well. anyone who's worked with the general public on a daily basis and isn't an angelus vero (or something like that...) kind of has that as a gut-level reflex. hmm. maybe they're using that one to see how much customer service experience you really have, and how honest you're being in the interview. anybody in full-on interview mode would answer, "that's a tough question, because i've found that as long as you're willing to be reasonable, there's no such thing as a difficult customer..." I have two things to say to that... 1) bull 2) -#$%^!!
3) as a library, we are committed to freedom of information. we have a policy that we do not restrict our patrons' access to material, even that which may be objectionable. with that in mind, how would you handle it if a child came up with something that you thought was inappropriate? this one is tougher than it appears on the surface, because a lot of it depends on what question they're really asking... i think i did ok, though.
oh well. we'll see. keep you fingers crossed for me, please. (you can uncross them when you type, though, 'cause otherwise your documents woiuilkd loloo,kj lokike rtnhkiszl.l.l.) ;-)
m
